


Aquaphobia.

by nb_stories



Series: I am emotionally attached to Minecraft men, please help me. [12]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Anxiety, But he comes back, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Dream Smp, Dream Team SMP Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Drowning, Exile, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Injury, Mentioned Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Sam | Awesamdude, Mentioned Wilbur Soot, Mild Blood, Minecraft, Near Death Experiences, Ocean, Panic Attacks, Protective Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo & TommyInnit Friendship (Video Blogging RPF), Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Temporary Character Death, Toby Smith | Tubbo Misses TommyInnit, TommyInnit Misses Toby Smith | Tubbo, TommyInnit Nearly Dies (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Water, and he gets one, well he also does die, with a little bit of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 12:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30089268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nb_stories/pseuds/nb_stories
Summary: Aquaphobia- the fear of water, the fear of drowning.The 5 times Tommy seemed to drown and the 1 time he was able to wade through the rising waters.The 5 times he felt abandoned and then the 1 time he finally had other people with him, meaning that he didn’t need to feel so alone anymore.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: I am emotionally attached to Minecraft men, please help me. [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135886
Comments: 8
Kudos: 183
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	Aquaphobia.

_Drowning-_ suffocation induced by the submersion of the mouth and nose in a liquid. Most instances of fatal drowning occur alone or in situations where others present are either unaware of the victim's situation or unable to offer assistance. After successful resuscitation, drowning victims may experience breathing problems, vomiting, confusion, or unconsciousness. Occasionally, victims may not begin experiencing these symptoms for several hours after they are rescued. 

Drowning- Tommy hated it. 

Hated the thought of being so helpless, face to face with death, not being able to breathe. Sometimes he wouldn’t even be submerged, and the familiar feeling would overtake his body. It made him feel weak and vulnerable. Pathetic. All he wanted to do was paint on a brave face and go about his day but now a common occurrence that would happen to him would be the feeling of being submerged into inescapable nothingness. A feeling he despised so much. 

No escape. No room to breathe. Just being immersed into a pool of oblivion.

Tommy hated that he was so afraid of the sensation of drowning.

\-----

This was it. It was now or never.

Wilbur offered to do the countdown, everyone else from the server stood and watched on as the two individuals took more steps away from each other.

Saying that Tommy was scared would be an understatement. He was absolutely terrified. Of course, he had let his emotions take control, so he once again found himself making a brash decision. Even though it was a fight for his freedom, he still couldn’t help but feel that he could’ve talked it out properly with Wilbur before challenging Dream to a duel. 

However, it was too late for regrets now. Instead, he tentatively listened to Wilbur’s voice, the countdown came. A moment of silence, all he could hear was his shallow breaths and the beating in his ears. 

“Fire!”

Turning around far too quickly, he winced at the uncomfortable slosh of the poison in his stomach. Between his fingers, he pulled back the string of his bow, releasing an arrow.

It missed.

Barely dodging the arrow that Dream had sent flying his way, he stepped to the side. However, when he put his foot down, he wasn’t met with the solid floor he had expected, instead there was just nothing. Glancing down, he realised he had stepped far too close to the edge of the path.

Oh shit. No, no, no, no. Not good, _not good._

Tumbling sideways, he splashed into the river. Panic seized his body, this wasn’t meant to happen, so of course he wasn’t prepared for the cold wall that smashed into his body. Water gripping tightly around him, tugging his whole being deeper into the water. 

Notably, uniforms should _not_ be worn if you are going to be in any sort of water. The fabric instantly becoming soaked, dragging his arms and legs downwards, making it incredible difficult to swim back up.

Both the arrow and bow had left his hands, he was too focused on reaching the surface in order to take a breath. This also meant he didn’t notice the neon green hoodie stepping towards the edge of the water. He didn’t see a bow get pulled back and then the string promptly let go. And he definitely didn’t know that an arrow sliced through the air and water until it lodged itself deep within his chest. 

Gasping, he clutched his shirt, letting the water rush into his mouth. Breathing was impossible, choking on his surrounding, muffled voices trying to call for him. He wished he could yell back, cry out for help but the water suffocated him, pushing further and further into his lungs. 

Falling into unconsciousness, he gaged once more, surrounded by the lake that he hadn’t realised was so dangerous, the water mixing with the salty tears and murky blood. 

\-----

“Wilbur!” Tommy whined, “let me out please!”

The older man just laughed, muttering to Techno about how amusing he thought this situation was. Turning around, Tommy watched him grab his communicator, dialling Phil to inform him about the amusing position he was stuck in.

Tommy, however, did not find any hilarity in this situation at all.

Pressed between two pistons and the cold stone, he wasn’t actually sure how he had managed to get stuck in such an awkward place. Though of course, he was Tommyinnit, so if someone were going to get trapped like this, it would have to be him. 

Angrily he yelled at them all to help him get out, trying to seem as irate as possible. Hiding any hint of fear by spitting strings of insults and curses at the others. Eventually Tubbo approached and Tommy felt his shoulders relax a little bit. Out of all of them, Tubbo was his best friend, so chances were that he would assist him instead of straight up mocking him.

What he hadn’t expect was for Tubbo to pull out a water bucket. Tommy’s heart dropped. One last attempt to scream for help was interrupted by the splashing of water hitting him and the pistons, it instantly filling up around him.

“Look, now he can’t breathe!”

“Tubbo you absolute dickhead.” He wished he could shout. Once he got out, he was _so_ going to kill him. Not just him, he was going to kill all of them. Hearing the drowned-out laughter from all three onlookers made him undeniably pissed off. However, as he took in one last breath as the water covered his face, worry built up in his body. What if he couldn’t even get out? What if they all thought it was so amusing that they just left him to die? 

Throat starting to itch, chest becoming tight as he desperately fought the urge to take in another breath. Tommy had already been cursed with knowing what drowning felt like, he wasn’t going to go through it again. Lips and eyes tightly pressed shut, he stayed as still as he could in the freezing water.

Feeling himself giving up, he almost cried tears of joy when some stone was broken, allowing the water to flow off of him. Hair soaked, droplets running down his face as he glared at the brunette who towered above him.

“You are a prick.”

Tubbo giggled.

Eventually they let him out, giving him a towel to dry himself off with. Constant teasing continued and whilst Tommy absolutely hated how it just made him think of how weak he was, he never mentioned it.

Admitting he was hurt from their comments was basically admitting he had lost completely; they would never let him forget about it. So instead, he resorted back to throwing back frustrated insults instead, as a means to distract him from the growing uneasiness he felt as he watched Tubbo hold onto the bucket of water.

\-----

Looking down at the place that was once his home, he sighed.

Sure, Logstedshire wasn’t grand or extravagant, but slowly it had become a special place to him. Abandoned by all the arseholes on this server, tending to a new home helped distract him from the loneliness that encased him.Now all that was left was rubble. A reminder of Dream’s outburst. A reminder of why Tommy deserved to be left alone in the first place. 

So, he stood on top of the pillar he had made, staring around at the decimated place. It all seemed so miniscule, so insignificant, when he was way up in the sky. At that very moment he was untouchable. Dream was unlikely to come back any time soon. Ghostbur had disappeared too. All that was left was him. Just him in this cruel world.

Teetering on the edge, he stared straight down. A fall from this high would undoubtedly end it all. Finally, he could be free, he could cut all ties he has with this server. 

That sounded appealing.

So, he took a step. One, singular step, and fell through the air.

Then Tommy realised that his idea didn’t sound very appealing anymore.

Tumbling downwards, he tried his best to navigate through the air. Shit. _Shit._ What was he thinking? He doesn’t want to die. He does not want to die.

Closing his eyes, he braced for impact. This really was the way he was going to go, the end of his tragedy. He wondered if his tale would be told to the generations that will come after him.

Finally he slammed into something hard, but not the solid ground he had expected, it was the familiar harsh force of water. Knocking the breath out of him, the icy ocean stinging his eyes and seeping into the cuts that littered his skin.

Instantly, the deep cerulean morphed into complete darkness. 

He guessed this was the end.

Coughing and spluttering, his eyes shot wide open. Greeted by the clear cloudless sky, he winced at the blinding sun. Rolling onto his side, then pushing himself onto his hands and knees, the sand grating at his skin. Forcefully, his body emptied the contents of his body, gaging harshly at the saltiness that left past his lips. Each retch shaking his body until eventually they became dry heaves, tearing away at his throat. Trembling, he moved into a sitting position.

Maybe this wasn’t the end then.

Throbbing in the side of his head, a tightness in his chest and the noticeable blood that had stained the side of his body due to the violent connection he had had with the ocean. Pain running through his veins, making him want to sink into the sand and fall asleep. However, the pain meant that he was alive. 

Grasping onto his side as a feeble attempt to stop the blood flow, he stood up on wobbly legs. Repressing the urge to bend over and throw up again, he let out a rickety breath. 

He needed to get out of here as quickly as possible. Preferably to a place that wasn’t near a body of water.

\-----

“Why don’t you go see him then.”

No. _No, no, no._ No!

This was meant to be closure for Tommy, finally he was meant to shed the shackles Dream had attached to him for far to long. Now he was beaten and bloodied, trembling at the sight of the madman that loomed above him. A simple smirk painted onto the porcelain mask, a smile worthy enough of displaying the crazed man’s real emotions right not. 

The cackles that escaped his lips weren’t sarcastic or light-hearted. They weren’t even fake, which Tommy would’ve preferred. Instead, they were honest and just downright _evil._ Laughing at the defenceless boy, thriving off the sight of someone who he had tried to break for so long, finally start to crack. 

One more swing downwards. A blunt object smashing into the side of his head. No longer in the obsidian box illuminated by lava, instead just engulfed in a black void.

Was this death? Had he died? He wasn’t sure.

What he was sure of though, was the slow sensation that he hadn’t felt in months. A wall that wrapped tightly around his lungs, empty the oxygen in his body. But there was no water, right? This shouldn’t be happening, _right?_

Floating through the darkness, his body being crushed more and more by the invisible force, each breath not giving him the air he needed, just aiding the suffocating feeling. This time it happened far too slowly. The dark matter making sure it was stealing every breath, replacing every muscle and bone with raw panic. Ripping his body apart from the inside, making him morph into the emptiness that gripped him. 

Suddenly, there was a small opening in all the chaos, a slight taste of fresh air. Breathing it in deeply, he choked at the sudden rush that fought the nothingness in his body. Gasping as his body repaired itself (well, Tommy felt like his atoms were piecing themselves back together again, but he also couldn’t actually see what was happening), he took in more sporadic breaths.

“Tommy?”

Instantly everything stopped. 

“Wilbur?”

“Oh, it really is you,” Tommy could practically hear the smirk of amusement on the older mans face. He was sure he was being set up for a long session of being mocked and teased. Undoubtedly, the ex-president was known for his harsh words and erratic actions, “when I said see you soon, I didn’t think you would come visit me this quickly.”

A small voice in the back of his head wished that the sensation that had immersed him just moment ago had taken him completely. He wished that it had stopped him from reaching this place.

\-----

Shivering, Tommy stared at the long tunnel that led to Snowcester. 

It was still so surreal to him, as if this could all be a dream and he could wake up at any instant. He was the boy who lived. Dead for only a few days, his fate finally sealed, only to be brought back by the same man who had stolen his last life. 

Now he attempted to formulate a plan to exact revenge on the masked psychopath. Yet, even though he had a craving for vengeance that powered him to keep moving, it was the fear too. Worry that clouded his mind whenever he thought about what Dream was capable of. Scared that he was destined to be stuck in a horrific loop of life and death.

Tommy wanted to put a stop to it. End the cycle of pain once and for all.

However, that meant getting help and whilst he dearly missed Tubbo he couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable at the gaze that he shot his way the day he had escaped the prison. Eyes that held shock and confusion, as if he was looking at a ghost.

He wasn’t a ghost though. Tommy was real. He was real and alive and very much not dead, and he was okay, he was fine. _He was fine._

Any sane person could see that he wasn’t fine.

Pushing away any sort of touch wasn’t unusual for the blond to do. He had always been known for being clingy but desperately trying to hide that part of him. This time though, fear gripped his body whenever someone would lift up a hand. Yelling at whoever tried to help him to step back, that he didn’t want it. No undertone of wanting the attention, this time he completely did not crave the gentle touch. 

He was fine.

Yet everyone treated him as if he were a ceramic vase, that any sudden movement would shatter him. Treating him as if he weren’t even human. Asking too many questions as if they only care about his experience and they don’t actually care about him. Apologises thrown his way that Tommy refused to accept. An insult that was spat at him, someone wishing that he had stayed dead. Pitiful expressions that stared at him as if he weren’t real. As if he was just some lost spirt, broken by the world.

But he _is_ real because the pain he felt. It confirmed that he is just a simple human being. 

So, as he stared down the tunnel that was filled with water, Tommy couldn’t help but coin all the possibilities of him getting hurt. All it took was falling a little too far, a sharp stab in the soles of his feet, and he would scream out, panic rising in his throat.

More pain meant there was a higher chance of him being thrown into the pool of nothingness again. Feeling no escape even though he was out of the prison and was free. The long tunnel in front of him did not look pleasing. Trident in his hand though, surely it wouldn’t be so bad? He could soar through the tight space in no time, getting to the other side in the blink of an eye.

Taking in a steady breath, he threw his trident forward, being dragged through the chilling water. It was going smoothly; he was going to be fine.

Of course, he spoke too soon, life was never that simple for someone like Tommyinnit. 

As if the world really hated him, his trident seemed to get caught on something. Was it the stone? The soulsand? The glass? Tommy didn’t care for an answer, instead he threw the trident again. It got caught once more.

Shit. No, oh no.

Desperately he threw it again. Then again. And again. Nothing happened. Throat tightening and head throbing, he did the first thing he could think of, grabbing a pickaxe and smashing it through the glass. 

Shards dug into his skin, but he didn’t care, he pushed himself on top of the tunnel, gasping for breath as he flopped over onto the cool stone. Sputtering, he lay still for a moment, letting his laboured breaths even out. Muttering a wave of curses under his breath, he was unsure who he was angry at, but he knew he was frustrated. It was just his luck, getting trapped in a thin, far too long, tunnel and the only escape was to break the glass that encased him.

Sighing he cautiously stood up, flinching at the soreness in his arm. Looking down at the shards of glass that punctured his skin. Luckily, it was only two fragments in his arm, so he could easily deal with them without causing that much pain. Grabbing a healing potion from his inventory, he splashed it onto the cuts promptly after he had removed the glass, relief rushing over him due to the feeling of skin being fixed, not torn apart.

Eventually he felt stable enough to keep moving forward. Taking one step, he hadn’t realised how slippery the stone had gotten due to the water he had sprayed onto it. Losing his footing, he stumbled to the side, off the tunnel, right into the ocean below. 

At that exact moment, Tommy absolutely despised everyone and everything.

\-----

Gripping tightly onto his trident. He threw it again. This time, due to being in open water, he flew towards Snowchester. Eventually, the snow topped roofs could be spotted, with a giant mansion that definitely wasn’t there before. 

One final throw landed him into the freezing snow, his bod already shaking due to his soaked clothes. Tommy really regrets not dressing more appropriately. Trembling, he stood up, feet sinking slightly into the soft white powder below him. 

“Tommy why didn’t you use the tunnel we made?”

Turning around, he locked eyes with Tubbo. He hated how gentle his best friends voice was and how worried his face looked. He hated that Ranboo stood behind him, his hands fiddling with his tie, as if he were nervous. He hated how the two of them just stared, waiting for a response.

Tommy didn’t want to give them one. Instead, he glanced over at the tremendous new building, “I see you have a mansion.”

“Erm, yeah, yeah we do,” Tubbo caught wind of what the blond was doing. Even though they have been separated for so long now, at least his best friend can still read his mannerisms, “Foolish is building it for me and Ranboo. Oh, and our son!”

Humming in response, Tommy seemed to lose interest immediately, his focus turning to a creeper lurking in the shadows of some nearby trees. Creeper meant explosions. Explosions meant pain and Tommy was not ready to freak out in front of the others just yet. It would just create a larger rift between them, and Tommy didn’t want that. 

“…Tommy?” 

Blinking, he swivelled back around. How long had he spaced out for? He was once again looking at the stupid, _pitying_ expression again. The expression that made him feel weak. As if he were vulnerable, defenceless, pathetic. 

Wait. _Was_ he defenceless? _Was he vulnerable?_ Did everyone give him pitying looks because they knew the truth whereas he was left completely in the dark. Goddamnit, he couldn’t even stop thinking about the creeper that he had just seen, too worried it was going to sneak up on him and explode instantly.

Maybe he really was weak.

“What?” He snapped, at least he can try and keep up the façade. At least he can just pretend that he was still the loud, arrogant blond that wasn’t scared of anything.

“Tommy you’re shivering, come inside and we can have some hot chocolate,” Tubbo offered, unfazed by the sharp tone Tommy had used. 

“Fine, I expected you would do something like that anyway. You are very clingy,” he retorted. Tubbo just smiled, before heading towards his house. Ranboo hesitantly followed, locking eyes with Tommy before turning around. 

Tommy followed them both, head so clouded that he didn’t even realise the second creeper that was hidden within the stone and logs of Snowchester. What warned him was the soft hiss from behind him.Alerting the other two teenagers with the shriek that escaped his mouth, he sprinted, only to be propelled forward by the blast from the mob. Gasping at the pain as he hit the floor, he curled up on himself, knees tightly pressed into his chest, hands grabbing at his hair. 

Pain could only mean one thing. Death. Tommy didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to go back there, he didn’t want to be submerged in the sea of torment again. _Tommy didn’t want to die._

Obviously, the commotion had lured out the other creeper as Tubbo walked past to deal with that. Ranboo crouched down, whispering to Tommy, but he couldn’t hear it. Ringing in his ears, his throat narrowing, chest tightening. Being transported back into the deep void of emptiness again, filling up his whole being. The only thing keeping himself grounded was the sharp pulling of his hair, the subtle pain reminding him that he was very much alive.

However, soft hands took that away from him, instead he was grabbing onto Ranboo, squeezing the hybrids palms. 

Tommy isn’t clingy. _He isn’t._ He totally isn’t jealous of Ranboo and how he managed to befriend Tubbo so easily. He definitely didn’t miss the times when the two of them were getting into mischief, even if it did cause his exile. He certainly wasn’t upset when Ranboo slowly stopped visiting him in exile and had now managed to become so close, so quickly, to Tubbo.

Tommy. Isn’t. Clingy.

But Ranboo’s glistening eyes stared straight into his soul, riddled with concern, exactly like they would look all those months ago when he was in exile. A time where he didn’t actually mind if people showed concern for him. Was it bad that he missed the comfort? Did that just confirm that he was weak?

Ringing now subsided, he could just about make out Ranboo’s deep voice, “Tommy please follow my lead.”

The enderamn breathed in, counted to four then breathed out again. Slowly, with each cycle, Tommy found himself drifting further away from the nothingness and instead coming back to earth. His chest loosening caused him to cough but Ranboo didn’t look annoyed, he patiently waited for the hacking to die down before returning to the counting. 

At some point a small hand was gingerly placed on his back, causing him to finch, “It’s okay big man it’s just me.” Tubbo’s reassuring voice, a voice he hadn’t heard for _so_ long, calmed him.

Eventually, he was able to stand, still clutching onto Ranboo’s hand. Refusing to speak a word, he was led inside and slowly ushered to a char. Ranboo crouched next to him, not once glancing down at their hands, instead just warmly looking directly into Tommy’s eyes.

Across from them, Tubbo sat down, “Are you- are you okay?”

Yes. He was fine. Constantly his mind reminded himself that he was fine. He was alive, he was here, and he was fine. 

“I-”

No, who was he kidding? He was _not_ fine.

“I died.” He muttered, just loud enough for the others to hear him, “oh my god, _I died.”_

A wave of realisation crashed into him. No one who was beaten to death then pulled back into reality should be fine. He had done the impossible and survived death, his body broken far beyond being able to fix itself.

He was not fine.

A gentle squeeze from Ranboo and a small nod from Tubbo triggered the words to flow out his mouth.

Explaining what had happened when he was locked in prison. How badly Dream had treated him, how scary Wilbur had been when he was finally reunited with him. Anger that racked his body as Sam attempted to apologise. Frustration at the fact that he felt alone, so, _so_ alone due to the fact that people have only looked at him with pity ever since he had been brought back. Living in a constant state of fear, too terrified to do anything in case he inflicts pain on himself, drowning him once again in the sea of emptiness that was pure agony. 

Mentioning how he finally reached out to Puffy in hopes that he could get help. Briefly talking about his desire to end Dream. Mumbling how he missed being able to just spend time with his friends, a time where the biggest concern was probably how to make an enderchest. 

Talking about how he just wanted to feel normal again. 

He hadn’t realised Tubbo had gotten up and walked over as Tommy was rambling. Once he had stopped, he glanced up and saw the shining brown eyes, a familiar hint of determination mixed within the concern. 

“Can I hug you?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. 

Hesitantly, Tommy nodded.

Leaning down slightly, Tubbo wrapped his arms around him, “god I missed you so much Tommy.”

The words pulled him upwards, out of the murky waters he had been trapped in for far too long. The embrace he was held in wasn’t suffocating any more, instead it shielded him from the water that rushed around him. It protected him from the void that would constantly suck every inch of life out of him.

It saved him from drowning. 

Since his left hand was still latched onto Ranboo’s, he brought up his right arm and returned the hug, “I missed you too Tubbo, I missed you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time using the relationship tags but just a reminder everything is platonic, there is no shipping in this fanfic! Please let me know if I have done any of the tags wrong because I want to make sure this stays as "no romantic relationships" and Ao3 can be confusing as hell to use sometimes lol. Anyways, this was really fun to write, hope you enjoyed the fic!
> 
> kudos and comment are always appreciated!
> 
> -nb :)


End file.
